We've gone wrong.
I am about to set feminism back fifty years or so, but it appears to me that somewhere in our quest for so-called liberation, courtesy got chucked out with the chastity belt. I like men. Well, certain kinds of men. Men with manners. And it appears that they are rarer than hen's teeth these days.
When did it become acceptable to invite a girl out to dinner and then expect her to pay half? This happened to a good friend of mine last week. Having been on a perfectly pleasant first date, the guy in question suggested Supper. When my friend made it clear that she was broke, he said "Oh well" and left it at that! This is not necessarily a question of sexism, merely social grace. The invitee pays. Period. Get that boy a copy of Debretts. Lets face it, he ain't gonna get far otherwise. (Those at 'Correct Form' must please excuse my grammar.)
I like chivalry, probably because I think of it as courtesy. I do not consider it patronising to have a door opened for me. I know I can open doors - I don't doubt my ability in this area.
I think its nice if a man won't hear of you buying a drink, lights your cigarettes, and chases after your tobacco when it blows away. It's sexy because it's thoughtful and sweet.
I don't want to go out with a selfish arse.
I like it when a man tries to fix my car, even if he doesn't know the drive shaft from the exhaust. Better that than merely an arrogant "Better get that to a garage, love".
Maybe we did it to ourselves. Maybe when we started emasculating men and dragging the poor creatures around Ikea, we should have realised that we can't have it all. I was in another such store lately, zooming around the home wares department in search of something desperately tedious, when I started noticing the couples all around me. One woman held up a hideous fluffy cushion, one of those wiggly sheepskin affairs, and murmured "What d'you think about that for the…blah blah blah"
The man did what most men do in those circumstances; shrugged and said "Yeah its alright, if you like it." He was wearing naff trainers and those horrible half socks that people wear to pretend they're not wearing any. But more to the point, he clearly didn't give a shit about the cushion.
Why was he there? Because he loved her?
I don't think so.
Surely that's not what love comes down to is it? Pretending to give a shit?
I knew then and there that this kind of relationship is not for me. I don't expect a man to be overly concerned with cushions, I've got gay friends who will bill and coo over soft furnishings. I want a man who'll give me a big kiss and then go and do something he actually does want to do. Standing there pretending to give a shit when he doesn't is like having someone 'V' up at you behind your back. Disingenuous. Absurd.
I like men with manners. Men who know how to do things 'properly'.
In Sex & The City, Mr Big turned up with balloons on Carrie Bradshaw's birthday, but you'd never have got him in 'Bed, Bath and Beyond'. That's good enough for me.
Courtesy will always be a highly valued currency where women are concerned. And as the mother of two boys I will teach them. To be considerate. To be sincere. To open doors for people, give up their seats if required, to be thoughtful and sweet and never to wear half-socks. I will teach them to be real men.